MY MILLENNIAL CRISIS
I stare at the lake as it stares right back at me. The waves of the lake move in rhythm of the warm breeze. As I take a step closer to the edge of the concrete, to appreciate the view ahead of me I ask myself for a sign to the right direction – what should I be doing with my life.
This feeling came to me as quite a surprise. I had been working through these feelings for a long time and thought I was getting somewhere. My journey started roughly 2 years ago. I remember writing my blog post “the millennial crisis: what now?”. I walked through my feelings (in third person) and ways I could overcome them. It was an indirect attempt to reassure myself, I will be fine.
But there was so much wrong with that post, and it starts with the fact that I wrote in third person. Reading it back now, I almost felt like I was denying what I was going through. Making it seem like it was someone else’s issue, and I was just shining a light during their dark time. So, I’m starting again. But this time properly. Because there was so much wrong then. And even though it was 2 years ago, it still feels the same. Here I am, writing this note, just shy of 27 going strong with my millennial crisis. Whilst the breeze caresses my hair and the warm sunshine overlooks the lake, I’m writing this time with nothing but absolute transparency.
I had my millennial crisis at 25. I thought it was short passing. I thought I needed a distraction – a new focus. Writing was my distraction and I remember posting motivational quotes online, to tell myself I’m fine, but I wasn’t.
I’m not fine.
And I haven’t been for a while.
When you think about a millennial crisis, you usually think of something short-lived. Something we all get as we grow older and figure ourselves out in this world. Because that’s what I thought, and I was prepared to leave it behind a year ago.
But as time went on and as I thought I was managing well I suddenly did a 360 and deteriorated.
WHAT WENT WRONG?
Reflecting today, I can see exactly where it went wrong.
I assumed I was fine. I compared my state to others and mirrored their coping mechanisms. I didn’t really take the time to understand what the crisis was about – why I felt the way I did. Most importantly, I didn’t change. I wasn’t moving with the times, I didn’t try to discover myself – shake my daily routine and step out of my comfort zone.
I lived by an image – I did what the world expected of me.
WHAT AM I DOING DIFFERENTLY?
I have accepted what I am going through and become vocal about it in my personal life. I am taking my time and not living by a deadline. I am learning to live in the moment and not in tomorrow, next week or next year. I learned that I often put off plans which were outside my comfort zone because “there’s always tomorrow”. Being comfortable with the uncomfortable pushed my boundaries and made me see life in a different view – opening me up to different possibilities, which I am grateful for.
I am doing what I love and giving it all my attention.
Don’t be upset that you are moving at a different speed to the people around you. If you are going through a life crisis, learn to look inward to help yourself through it because only you know what you need and what you want.
I felt embarrassed that I feel the same for the last two years but the lesson I have learned is invaluable. And I think, the future is going to be exciting. I have never felt this way before and I know there will be ups and downs. But for the first time, ever, I am excited for the journey – of getting through my millennial crisis.